


Make Your Own Fate

by 1tskillingm3



Series: Tangled in Fate [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Asexual Relationship, Bipolar Disorder, Fluff, M/M, Soulmarks, asexual Kenma, demi sexual characters, mismatched marks, social norms and conceptions make everything rather complicated, some agnst, some heavy akaken in this one, soulmates universe, though it stays platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-05-10 07:50:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5577286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1tskillingm3/pseuds/1tskillingm3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akaashi had never cared much for the notion that somehow the sum total for the possibility of love would be decided by name ingrained in his skin. It was irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. A helpful suggestion towards someone you could have good chemistry with. Nothing more. </p><p>Unfortunately Bokuto is adamant about the finality of a soulmate. A depressing reality when, although Bokuto unknowingly wears Akaashi’s name, Akaashi already can tell that because of their mismatched personalities Bokuto’s name will never appear on himself. But maybe he can convince him anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after the events of As Fate Would Have It. You do not have to have read the previous story though. This is bokuaka, but we’ll still see some of kuroken and some platonic akaken because I love them.

Soulmates were irritating. Or rather, soulmates were fine, but people’s notions about what having a soulmate meant was absolutely exasperating. Or at least Akaashi thought so.

A soulmate was a result of the soul identifying the person(s) _most_ _compatible_ with their own soul and manifesting in the form of that person’s name appearing somewhere on their body. People didn’t always get each other’s names on _both_ of them since what was perfect for one person wasn’t always what was _best_ for the other. But just because a combination wasn’t absolutely perfect didn’t mean that it wasn’t still really _good_. That maybe there wasn’t a perfect pair for everyone. Or that people could be perfect for each other in different ways. A concept that _some_ people couldn’t seem to grasp.

Akaashi frowned down at his volleyball uniform and traced the number 5 stitched into the fabric. Every time he looked at it he was reminded of the way that Bokuto had refused to take the #1 even though he was captain because he wanted their numbers to be next to each other. That he had convinced the team that Akaashi should be vice captain despite the fact that he was only a second year and that vice captains were typically third years _because there was no one better suited to be by his side_. And to Akaashi’s embarrassment the whole team had agreed, though several of them shot him sly grins.

He wondered how many people on the team knew that Akaashi was Bokuto’s soulmate. Bokuto certainly didn’t know. You’d never be able to see it unless you were standing over him quite close staring at him from behind while his hair was spiked. Then, if you were paying attention and standing at exactly the right angle you _might_ see the elegant black calligraphy of his name behind Bokuto’s ear.

“Keiji, you need any breakfast?” asked Akaashi’s father peering into his room from the open door, “I made some simple stuff for your mom before she leaves for work and there some extra if you’d like some?”

“That’d be perfect, thanks.” Said Akaashi letting the frown slip from his face into a soft smile for his father. After he’d left, Akaashi finished gathering his clean volleyball gear and packing it into his bag. Taking a deep breath Akaashi hefted the strap of the bag over his shoulder and headed down the stairs. He had a feeling today would be a long day: Kenma texted him that Kuroo apparently was going to break the news of their somewhat unusual relationship to the owl haired boy, something that was sure to throw Bokuto off a bit… whether into a state of distracted giddiness or agitation Akaashi wasn’t sure. Not to mention the conversation Akaashi planned on having with his parents this morning.

“Good morning Keiji.” His mother nodded to him when he entered the room. Her face didn’t change but there was a slight softening to her eyes that Akaashi had learned to recognize over the years. He took after his mother in many ways after all.

“Good morning mom, thanks for the food.” Said Akaashi sitting down and quickly checking the clock to make sure that he was still on schedule.

“Thank your father. He’s the one who made everything, he wouldn’t let me do a thing.” His mother told him as she sipped her tea.

“No need for a kitchen fire so early in the morning.” His father teased setting down the food and settling between them. His mother shot him a look but did not disagree. Akaashi’s father hummed happily as he began to eat winking over at Akaashi as his mother pursed her lips and began to serve herself as well. His father often joked that he must have been blessed by the gods of fortune to get to spend everyday with the two most beautiful people in the world and Akaashi’s mother would send Akaashi an exasperated look when his father wasn’t looking. But Akaashi had always known that his mother adored his father.

His parents were not soulmates. His father had been her shy neighbor who’d sometimes shared his home cooked meals and made sure his mom didn’t perish from crappy instant food while she worked on getting her PhD. Akaashi’s father joked that she’d fallen in love with his cooking long before she noticed him. Akaashi’s mother would shrug and smile mysteriously. Both his parents had other people’s names written on them but they had been happily married for years now.

“Trust in what is good in practice, not just theory.” Akaashi’s mother would always tell him.

Akaashi held that truth close to his heart.

“Mom, Dad, do you have a moment before you go?” asked Akaashi picking through his food.

“For you, always Keiji.” His father said earnestly. His mother said nothing but Akaashi could tell he had her absolute attention.

“My soulmate’s name has recently appeared.” Said Akaashi touching the hollow of his collarbone where the name was printed under his shirt. His father straightened immediately but his mother’s face remained unreadable, “I will be keeping it concealed for now, nor am I making it public knowledge, but I’d like you two to know all the same.”

“Thank you for telling us Keiji, I am honored that you chose to trust us.” Said Akaashi’s mother simply tilting her head seriously, “Know that if you ever need advice or support we will try to be here for you.”

“I know.” Said Akaashi dipping his head in acknowledgment.

“Is it someone you know?” asked his father who was nearly twitching with curiosity.

“Yes.” Nodded Akaashi continuing to eat.

“Is it someone we know?” pressed his father.

“No.” said Akaashi simply.

“…are you going to invite them over?” asked his father in slight exasperation when he didn’t offer any more information. The corner of Akaashi’s mother’s mouth twitched in the hint of a smile.

“It’s not out of the realm of possibility.” Akaashi vaguely. When his father heaved an obvious sigh Akaashi fixed him with a look, “I am not interested in a romantic relationship with them so stop fretting.”

“Ah,” said Akaashi’s father looking relieved, “You know when you started talking Keiji, I thought you were going to tell us that you and that Bokuto kid were dating.”

“That would be nice news.” Agreed Akaashi easily, partially because it was true and partially because he enjoyed the way that it made his father splutter as Akaashi gathered up his dishes, “Thank you again for the food, you two have a good day at work.”

“You too Keiji, and say hello to Bokuto for me.” Said Akaashi’s mother her face carefully composed but a smile in her eye.

“I will.” Promised Akaashi letting himself out the door before his father could start whining.

The walk to Bokuto’s house was not too far from his house so he always stopped by there first. Otherwise their captain would never be on time for morning practice. Surprisingly Bokuto’s family was fairly traditional in comparison to Akaashi’s. His parents were truemates and high school sweethearts to boot that doted on their children. He had two younger siblings and their house always seemed to be in some sort of happy sort of chaos.

“Akaashiiiiiiii!” screeched Bokuto’s little sister throwing open the door before he even knocked and hugging him around the middle.

“Hello,” Akaashi greeted her with a smile patting her head, “Your brother up yet?”

“Nooope!” she said popping her ‘p’ as she grinned toothily at him dragging him inside, “I even jumped on him to wake him up _twice_! He threw pillows at me!”

“I’d better go get him then, you go tell your mom I am here.” Said Akaashi gently pushing her away.

“Okay!” she agreed brightly running down the hall in search of her mother. Akaashi climbed the stairs up to the captain’s room wondering not for the first time if Bokuto had been like that as a child as well.

Bokuto room was as chaotic as the rest of his life. Akaashi didn’t think any studying actually happened at his desk for it was pilled high with random knickknacks and household items. Dirty laundry was piled high in the corner and clean laundry was in a basket in front of his drawers but not quite in the drawers. Bokuto himself was sprawled face first on his bed in his boxers the sculpted form of his appearance apparent even at his most relaxed.

Akaashi contemplated throwing the glass of water that was on the bedside table over him, but decided that would be too mean. After all, he would probably murder someone if they ever dared to do that to him. Instead Akaashi shook one of Bokuto’s bare shoulders.

“Bokuto, wake up. You’re going to make us late again.” Akaashi chided him.

“Frick! Akaashi your hands are cold!” Bokuto startled awake, jerking away.

“Don’t go back to sleep.” Was all Akaashi answered.

“Have mercy…” groaned Bokuto before sitting up and stretching shamelessly, the muscles along his upper body flexing in a way the was hard to look away from and made warmth creep to the tips of Akaashi’s ears, “Hang on let me go to the bathroom then I’ll get ready faster than you can blink!”

Akaashi nodded wordlessly and turned away. He was once again thankful that he could keep his face composed as Bokuto ambled away. Or at least that Bokuto hadn’t noticed that he flushed easily pretty much everywhere but his face when he was embarrassed or flustered. Akaashi closed his eyes and tried not to think about how _pretty_ Bokuto was like this, his hair down and messy with its white and black streaks. Tried not to wonder what it would be like to run his fingers through it before Bokuto geld it stiff. He bet it would be soft and feathery.

Akaashi frowned.

“Keiji, there you are! I am so glad you’re here, I don’t know what my son would do without you. Sorry our house is such a mess right now!” said Bokuto’s mother bustling in to greet him without ceremony, her tawny eyes bright as her son’s and her round cheeks flushed from a morning of trying to get her rowdy brood ready for school.

“It is no trouble.” Said Akaashi politely. For some reason he always felt a little uncertain around Bokuto’s mother. Perhaps it was the way that she seemed to adore him without reserve since the moment he’d walked through her door. Perhaps it was some apprehension about what would happen if she discovered who her son’s soulmate was, what with the way she was so absolutely devoted to her truemate. Or maybe she already did know and that was the reason for the secret warmth in her smile.

“Mama are you harassing Akaashi again?” complained Bokuto as he wandered back in.

“Koutarou! Put some clothes on this instant! You have company.” She scolded him immediately with her hands on her hips.

“Mama, it’s Akaashi,” said Bokuto rolling his eyes, “We all change in the lockers together it’s not like it’s anything new- ow!”

“Manners.” Bokuto mother said firmly pinching his cheek. Akaashi tried not to chuckle and failed causing Bokuto to send him a betrayed look, “Now go put on your uniform, I’ve got it hanging in the washroom. You left in a pile on the floor and I had to iron it to get those wrinkles out!”

“Yes Mama.” Bokuto pouted as he obeyed.

“Oh that little owlet of mine is so all over the place I don’t know how you manage him Keiji.” Sighed Bokuto’s mother fondly. Akaashi wasn’t sure how to respond to that but he was saved the awkwardness by Bokuto’s little siblings loudly squabbling downstairs. She gave Akaashi a final smile and then hurried away.

Akaashi busied himself making sure that Bokuto had all his stuff for volleyball practice. And that it was clean, which was a harder task.

“Ah man, you didn’t have to do that.” Bokuto said when he returned, this time in his uniform with his hair spiked in its usual fashion.

“You need to do laundry.” was all Akaashi replied. Bokuto grimaced in what was probably agreement as he grabbed his bags. Akaashi noted that his shirt was untucked and his tie so sloppily done that his fingers twitched with the need to adjust it… He refrained: his control wasn’t the best in the mornings and Bokuto also looked half asleep still.

“Mama! We’re headed off!” Bokuto hollered as they made their way out the door.

“Okay, have a good day!” they heard her call from the depths of the house. Akaashi took a deep breath of the quiet air as they started walking, his eyes drooping slightly savoring the way their shoulders sometimes brushed as they moved.

“Man, thanks for picking me up. I totally slept through my alarm.” Bokuto groaned rubbing his eyes. Akaashi noted how dark the shadows were underneath them with concern.

“It’s no trouble.” Said Akaashi again in a much softer tone than the one he’d used for his mother.

“Hmm, me and Kuroo got to *yawn* talking way late.” Said Bokuto yawning widely before staring unseeingly in front of him. Akaashi watched him closely trying to decipher his tone.

“I know.” Said Akaashi finally. When Bokuto blinked at him in surprise he added, “Kenma told me.”

“Ah right… I keep forgetting that you guys talk.” Said Bokuto frowning before he licked his lips nervously, “So… Does that mean you know?”

“Know which?” asked Akaashi vaguely.

“About… you know, the soulmate thing and about them being official now.” Bokuto said waving his head broadly.

“Pretty sure they don’t want you spreading that around.” Commented Akaashi looking away, “But yes, I did know.”

Had known for a while now, but Bokuto didn’t need to know that.

“Man… They’re pretty brave. I am mean, I am really happy for them. Kuroo says they’re not doing the normal relationship thing… kinda just how they’ve always been but now there’s words to it. I am not sure I really get it, but it seems like it works for them so I guess it’s all good… I dunno, they’re just really brave.” Said Bokuto and there was a hint of wistfulness about his tone that made Akaashi’s chest a bit tight.

“Why?” asked Akaashi after a moment.

“Hmm?”

“Why do you think that makes them really brave?” Akaashi clarified. He was pretty sure he knew, but he wanted to hear him acknowledge it anyway. Maybe he was masochistic.

“Well, you know… They’re getting together when they don’t know yet who Kuroo’s soulmate is. What if it’s not Kenma? Kuroo’s my bro and I just want him to be happy… and I think he really loves Kenma. It’d really suck if it turns out he’s supposed to be with someone else right?” said Bokuto uncertainly scratching his head.

“…I don’t think it will matter much to Kuroo or Kenma if he ends up with someone else’s name.” said Akaashi putting his hands in his pockets so Bokuto couldn’t see the way they were clenched. He knew this was the way Bokuto thought of the world, yet the hurt always seemed to catch him be surprise.

“Yeah, Kuroo said that too.” Said Bokuto frowning. He glanced at Akaashi with a conflicted look, “but if they’re not meant for each other then… then that that isn’t it?”

“They care for each other, I think they will work though whatever obstacles they come across.” Said Akaashi, and suddenly it didn’t feel so much like they were talking about Kenma and Kuroo anymore, “Their relationship has always been very strong. I do not think there is much that could shake it.”

“It got shaken when Kuroo found out about Kenma’s soulmark.” Bokuto pointed out in a soft tone that was slightly out of character for him. Akaashi held his gaze firmly, felt all the uncertain swirling emotions there. Reaffirmed in himself that he had made the right decision in not telling Bokuto about his own soulmark. He’d be thrown into utter turmoil by the knowledge.

“Yes. But that was for reasons other than it being a soulmark and more to do with the trust and openness of their relationship.” Akaashi argued firmly.

“Maybe…” Bokuto said uncertainly licking his lips and looked away. Akaashi sighed.

He truly could not see a way forward that would make them both happy.

Unless he could somehow change Bokuto’s mind before he figured out the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big brother bokuto is so important to me. Family dynamics play a stronger role in this one since Bokuto and Akaashi's perception of how relationships are supposed to be are strongly influenced by their experience of their parents.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'This is BokuAka' I constantly remind myself.

Akaashi enjoyed the lazy shade of the tree he and Kenma were sprawled under watching Kuroo and Bokuto scramble around doing volleys back and forth with a ball they had found. They had tried to convince Akaashi and Kenma to come set for them but Kenma had quickly vetoed that idea and Akaashi had been more than happy to go along with him.

This was their third not-double-date in the last three months. They had been completely not-date date’s at the beginning, but then Kenma and Kuroo had become official (well, at least in their friend circle if not to the general public) and so it was only Bokuto and Akaashi making the ‘not’ in the double-date.

Truthfully, it was actually only Bokuto seeing as Akaashi had no problem with it being a double date.

They’d gone to the movies to watch the latest children’s movie. They all had pretty different tastes in movies and the only thing they seemed able to all be happy to see were children’s animations. Or the Kenma approved ones anyway. Akaashi figured that if they were Kenma approved they’d definitely be good quality. After the movie they’d grabbed a late lunch and took it to a nearby park so they wouldn’t have to sit in some loud restaurant stuffed with people while they ate. It wasn’t long before Kuroo and Bokuto were rough housing around in the grass and Kenma ordered them away till they had their energy under control. Now Kenma sprawled with his head in Akaashi’s lap dozing while the other setter watched their partners antics with amusement.

Akaashi absentmindedly stroked his hand through Kenma’s hair and smiled as the setter practically purred with contentment. He felt relaxed enough that Akaashi considered joining the blond in his cat-napping.

“Bro! What happened to your finger? Did some asshole injure it in practice or something?” Bokuto’s loud voice brought Akaashi out of the lazy fog he’d been sinking into.

“Ah no, it’s my mark. It’s almost fully come in now so I have to cover it up.” Grinned Kuroo. Akaashi shook his head in amazement at the way he was able to just casually say that.

“O-Oh… and is it…?” Bokuto began hesitantly glancing not so subtly in the setter’s direction and fumbling his next receive.

“Bro, stop worrying so much! Me and Kenma are solid.” Kuroo said slapping the other on the back.

“Koutarou still holds truemates as the ideal I take it.” Kenma noted in a quite voice only meant for the other setters ears.

“Very much so.” Agreed Akaashi grimly.

“That definitely make’s things strained.” Commented Kenma.

“You have no idea…” muttered Akaashi.

“Mmmm.” Hummed Kenma in a way that suggested he probably did have a pretty good idea.

“You’re not Kuroo’s soulmate, are you?” It was more of a statement than a question.

“No. Not sure who it is, I have no idea how these particular Kanji are meant to be read, but neither of us are particularly bothered by that.” Said Kenma with a half shrug before rolling over so he could peer up at Akaashi’s face, “You got a soulmark recently.”

“Yes.” Admitted Akaashi, because what was the point in denying it?

“It’s not Koutarou.” Said Kenma with certainty.

“No.” Akaashi sighed in agreement before he smiled ruefully at his friend, “What gave me away?”

“You were most adamant about keeping Koutarou’s own soulmark a secret before. You still seem to be, but now it appears you are determined to pursue him.” Kenma said simply.

Akaashi knew his ears would be bright red.

“I am. I know it can not remain a secret forever and I want… I want Bokuto to fall in love with _me_. Not just because he thinks he needs to or is because of some stupid mark.” Akaashi said, struggling to put it into words. He glanced at Bokuto who was attempting to climb a tree now to get the ball unstuck from the branches while Kuroo narrated dramatically and somewhat sarcastically from the ground.

“Ah, yes… that would probably be important for you.” Nodded Kenma rolling back over so that he could watch Bokuto spike the ball at Kuroo’s face after a particularly snarky comment, “I wonder if it would matter much to Bokuto though. Knowing that he loves you before or after he finds out about your name.”

_Loves._ As in present tense. If Kenma said it, then it was probably true. Sometimes Akaashi thought he saw a glimmer of it when Bokuto looked at him, however he knew it was something the spiker wouldn’t let develop unless he thought there was a soulmark attached and Akaashi just…

“If he didn’t try before hand… I wonder forever if it was all fake. Constructed simply because he thought it was expected of him.” Akaashi swallowed thickly. He felt Kenma softly brush their fingertips together. Wordless support.

“I should probably warn you…” Akaashi hesitated, fighting off nervousness. How did Kuroo do this so casually? “When shit does hit the fan, you and Kuroo are going to get dragged into this.”

Kenma sat up slowly and stared at him with calculative eyes, rolling over his words and everything he knew about the mismatched couple’s situation no doubt.

“Is Kuroo your soulmate?” he asked finally.

Akaashi actually laughed.

“For once you’re actually wrong.” He informed him with a fond smile. Kenma’s frown deepened, before he seemed to stumbled upon a thought and his gold eyes widened.

“It’s me. I am you’re soulmate.” He realized. He looked a little frightened by the realization.

“Yeah.” Agreed Akaashi, before smiling and brushing their hands together comfortingly again, “Don’t worry. I am not going to develop any romantic designs after you. I am in love with Bokuto, remember? And if you haven’t noticed I am a rather big supporter of you and Kuroo. You have become one of my closest friends after all.”

“You too.” Admitted Kenma, sounding relieved none the less.

“The way I see it, platonic love is way too underrated these days. I can think of nothing better than to have my best friend also be my soulmate. And I can think of no one more suited to that then you.” Akaashi said letting his affection bleed into his voice and face.

Kenma stared at him with gold eyes shinning brighter than he’d ever seen them and a slight flush before nodding shortly and then ducking to curl up with him again. Akaashi smiled wider and closed his eyes. He understood. And the trust and acceptance that action represented meant a lot. After a moment Kenma pulled his hand back to his hair and Akaashi gladly resumed playing with it with a chuckle.

“Aw so precious. ‘Kaashi, you stealing my kitten?” sliding up next to them dramatically.

“Yes. Go away.” Kenma told him.

“You heard the boss.” Akaashi said in mock seriousness nudging him with his foot.

“Bokuto, bro, help me out! They’re ganging up on me!” complained Kuroo.

“On it bro.” said Bokuto with a hoot scooping up Kenma princess style.

“Traitor! You’re supposed to help me not also try and steal my man.” Kuroo objected scrambling up to try and steal his boyfriend back.

Akaashi sighed. They were both dead once Kenma got his feet back on the ground.

* * *

 

Bokuto was chattering happily about the movie and all the different news that Kuroo had been catching him up on as they walked back from the train station. His cheeks were flushed from excitement and his eyes bright and expressive as he waved his hands enthusiastically.

He was beautiful.

“And then Kuroo said ‘you wanna go?’ and I was like ‘owlways’!”

And utterly ridiculous.

Akaashi couldn’t help the snort of laughter that escaped his lips and Bokuto beamed in triumph.

“So the Kuroo goes ‘Puuurfect bro’ and I just went ‘dude, you should know I have owl the best puns’-“

“Best may be a relative term.”

“Hey! Mean,” complained Bokuto though he threw an arm around him, “Anyway, Kuroo does his little hyena cackle and ends up choking on his soda and it’s like nearly coming out his nose-“

“So glad Kenma and I weren’t around to see this.”

“And I was like ‘Oh no! my bro is dying because of my owl puns were too amazing and now I am going to have to give him mouth to mouth to save him-!”

“You do not give mouth to mouth when a person is choking.” But despite himself Akaashi was laughing, letting himself be pressed into Bokuto’s side and losing himself a little in the moment.

“So then the security guards are running up-“

“Oh god.”

“And Kuroo decides this is a good time to fall to the floor-“

“Please tell me he didn’t.”

“So that is the story of how we accidentally ended up with free drinks for the rest of the year at the movies!” said Bokuto with glee, “And Kuroo was fine so it was so worth it.”

“You two are never allowed to go get us popcorn and drinks by yourself again.” Akaashi informed him gravely. But he was holding his hand up to hide his smile.

“Nooooo! Hiding is not allowed! Officially illegal! Your smiles are too pretty.” Bokuto declared trying to grab his hand away.

“Illegal? In what universe?” snorted Akaashi evading him.

“Bokutoland.” Bokuto declared with a big teasing grin.

“Clearly.” Said Akaashi letting his wrist be captured before twisting his hand and entwining their fingers.

He’d never seen Bokuto’s face turn so red so fast. It kinda made Akaashi feel vaguely smug.

“So!” said Bokuto his voice cracking slightly. Akaashi smirked.

“So?” he inquired squeezing their hands.

“S-so, Kuroo mentioned that the crows are totally killing it in their tournaments lately!” said Bokuto casting around for a subject to cover up how flustered he obviously was.

“Oh? I think I heard Kenma mention something about that. He and Hinata are texting buddies apparently.” Said Akaashi. He felt warm and content. He felt invincible. _He loves you_ Kenma had said. He hoped it was true.

“I know!! It’s no fair! He’s my protégé! I should totally be texting buddies with him too!” complained Bokuto seeming to regain his stride.

“Maybe you can ask him if they make it to nationals.” Suggested Akaashi. Though he secretly wondered it Hinata and Bokuto being texting buddies would be a bad idea. So much energy by two people crazy for volleyball sounded a bit dangerous.

“They’ll make it! I believe in them!” Bokuto declared.

“Ah, then they can’t possibly fail.” Said Akaashi dryly.

“You’re teasing me again, aren’t you?” tisked Bokuto turning to him as they reached the end of his street.

“Teasing you? Never.” Said Akaashi with a deadpan.

“You’re teasing me.” Bokuto declared with certainty and such a fond smile spread across his face Akaashi couldn’t help himself.

He really couldn’t.

His free hand moved with out his permission to cup Bokuto’s cheek as he drew him into the softest of kisses. Bokuto’s grip on his hand went slack before turning vice-like.

“’Kaashi? Wha-?” Bokuto mumbled when he pulled back. He looked bewildered, conflicted… and hungry. Akaashi felt his stomach flip.

“I had a lot of fun today. We should go out just us next time.” Akaashi invited, even as his heart pounded in his ears.

“I-“ Bokuto began before swallowing obviously. Akaashi wanted to try kissing him again, but that would probably be pressing his luck this early.

“I’ll see you in the morning for school either way.” Akaashi told him reluctantly disentangling their fingers, “Remember we have an early practice.”

“School, practice… right.” He still looked a little lost.

“You want me to walk you to your house?” Akaashi inquired tilting his head. He was playing it off casually but internally his heart was beating fast and wild. He prayed he hadn’t made a mistake.

“N-no! I am good. I’ll see you tomorrow Akaashi.” Said Bokuto hurriedly waving at him and practically tripping over himself as walked briskly away.

He really really hoped he hadn’t messed everything up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda short chapter. Proper turmoil begins next chapter :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here there be angst.  
> With a side of Akaashi starting to figure himself out ☺ and more of a glimpse into the Akaashi household! 
> 
> I actually wrote a whole AkaKuro part into this and then I decided that it distracted from the story so I took it out. Idk really what to do with it now

When Akaashi thought of Bokuto Koutarou he tended to think of powerful imagery. Wild winds, birds of prey, or perhaps the crash of waves on a cliff. Rising and crashing to the whims of an unknown tide. But no matter what, it was always intense. Bokuto had never been one to do things half way.

But this relationship Akaashi was trying to coax into fruition was showing him a whole different side of his captain.

Akaashi had been pressing his advantage since that first kiss. He didn't make a big deal of it, if he had he was sure that Bokuto would go running for the hills. Akaashi simply had started to initiate simple, intimate, physical gestures. He held the other’s hand on the way to school, deliberately leaned into Bokuto’s excited embraces, ran his fingers through white and black hair affectionately, always left him at the end of the day with a soft brush of lips on his cheek or mouth(depending on how the day had gone).

One things was for sure, it was certainly unbalancing Bokuto.

Akaashi would catch Bokuto staring at him before the other would look away quickly blushing furiously. The third year was hyper conscious of his touch, giving light shivers. Occasionally, Akaashi would lean close to him and Bokuto’s gaze would drop to his mouth unconsciously. Would sway slightly further into his space.

Akaashi was surprised how much little actions like that ruffled his _own_ composure.

A physical relationship had never meant much to Akaashi. He’d always figure that, yeah, if he dated someone they’d probably end up being physical as well. But he’d never actually desired to be kissed or held or touched. Ever. Not even Bokuto, who he had been falling for a while now. Akaashi had known he wasn’t quite like Kenma, he wasn’t repulsed by sex and sexual activity. Just not particular interested in it either. He’d kissed Bokuto originally because that was something you were supposed to do when you liked someone. A sure fire way to get Bokuto’s attention.

He hadn’t particularly expected to like it.

But he had. A lot. And he’d been mortified to realize how quickly his desire bloomed the moment they kissed. It was like all of a sudden he’d been smacked with the realization that his friend was very attractive. He’d known this intellectually. He’d even noticed the pleasantness of his figure. But it had always been Bokuto’s infectious personality and energy which had drawn him like a moth to a flame. And what left Akaashi more confused then ever was the fact that when he wasn’t trying to actively seduce Bokuto, he was jut like he always was: uninterested but unbothered by things of the body. It was there was some kind of secret switch to his interest that Bokuto randomly was able to switch on for brief moments.

Akaashi was a little irritated at himself. It had been so much easier to carry out plans when he wasn’t getting unexpectedly swept away.

“See you tomorrow Bokuto.” Akaashi said tilting his head to press a soft kiss to Bokuto’s mouth at the end of the day. Shyly, Bokuto leaned into a little, kissed back ever so slightly. He’d been doing that more often. It was ridiculously chaste for the amount it affected Akaashi’s coherency. It felt like he was intoxicated sometimes. It was becoming harder and harder not to wrap his arms around the others neck, to lean onto his chest and press close.

But no, that would surely frighten Bokuto off at this point.

Normally Akaashi associated Bokuto with strong imagery. But the Bokuto that kissed him felt like spun glass… felt like if Akaashi held him too tightly he would shatter completely.

Akaashi pulled away just for Bokuto to chase his mouth for one more second before pulling away embarrassed. Barely anything, but enough for Akaashi to feel the blood burning the tips of his ears and neck.

“See you tomorrow ‘kaashi.” Bokuto hurriedly mumbled and then bolted down the street. Akaashi took the much slower route to his house, going the extra block or two just to walk a bit longer. To help him clear his head. And to let his heart calm down so that he could properly compose himself before his parents saw him.

“Hey angel, did you have a good day at school today?” called Akaashi’s father poking his head out of the kitchen.

“Nothing to report.” Akaashi shrugged, before sniffing the air curiously, “Are you making curry?”

“Yeah, extra spicy for you fire breathing dragons- ahem, I mean, you and your mother.” Said Akaashi’s father innocently.

“Mom will be happy.” Replied Akaashi smiling simply, and after a pointed look and a raised eyebrow he admitted, “And I am happy too.”

“I hope so. Ah, both my lovely family members have been working so hard lately.” Said his father, a flash of a special smile around his eyes, “Do you need a snack? I know you athletes burn a ton of calories jumping around as you do.”

“I can wait for dinner.” Akaashi assured him heading up to his room.

He stared blankly at his desk and the pens and paper neatly lined up for him to begin homework, before dumping his backpack on his chair and allowing himself to fall face first onto his bed. He didn’t feel like thinking, he didn’t feel like sorting out all the thoughts and emotions of the day and carefully categorizing them to be filed away. He just…

Akaashi turned his head and curiously pressed his fingertips to his mouth lightly, tried to mimic the pressure of Bokuto there. Why did he sometimes react like that? He knew it was technically how a normal teenager was affected. His parents would probably say hormones or what-not, but… he’d never fit into a normal category before so it was extremely strange to do so now. It wasn’t like Bokuto has the first person he’d ever kissed. There had been some upper classman who had asked to kiss him over the years and he’d indulged them. They were nice enough and they’d certainly taught him a few tricks, but he always thought it was kind of boring and would stop it after all while. They certainly hadn’t thought it was boring, and Akaashi could admit that there was a kind of satisfaction in being the cause of a partner’s enjoyment. Akaashi had assumed that that was the way it would be with Bokuto and it was kind of throwing him off a bit that it wasn’t.

He still let his eyes flutter closed, tried to relive their last parting moment for a little longer.

He was curious to know when that feeling would return next time. How far did it reach? Did he just like kissing Bokuto? Did that mean he’s also enjoy other things if they were with Bokuto? Sitting by himself in his room the idea seemed impossible. But there had been a tingling kind of potential that he sometimes felt if Bokuto was feeling bold enough to press back against him… so maybe?

It kind of bothered him not to know.

He didn’t really like uncertainty. Akaashi liked to lay out all his options, choose one, and go with it till the end. It was a little stressful that everything was too unpredictable for him to do so. He wasn’t too sure how to proceed anymore.

The wise thing to do would probably talk to someone about the situation and get some advice, even though he inwardly cringed at about consulting anyone about his love life he recognized that it was necessary part of a healthy relationship to have outside advice. But the thing was that he knew he was being a bit unconventional not only in his decision to pursuit someone outside of his soulmate but also in the way he was trying to coax Bokuto on board with the idea and honestly he had no interest in listening to what most people’s opinions would likely consist of. He didn’t really want to talk to his parents till he got himself more figured out, and Kenma would likely be just as lost as he was in such a situation considering how similar they were.

…Although that did give him an idea.

Akaashi reached out and dragged his bag off his chair by the strap and pulled it over so he could dig his phone out of it and send a quick text.

‘ _Kuroo, would you be available/willing to talk?’_ It was a bit of a risk considering Kuroo was Bokuto’s best friend. But he was also Akaashi’s friend, and someone who had both of their best interests at heart and wouldn’t judge him… Not to mention Akaashi suspected that Kuroo might understand his situation a little better than most people considering he also had chosen a relationship outside of his soulmate, and seemed to have a orientation that was at least a little closer to what Akaashi was figuring out his own was.

‘ _For you angel-face? Always.’_ Akaashi suppressed a snort feeling a smile creep onto his face against his will. He could already tell that choosing Kuroo had been a good idea, _‘I am actually in the area, I could swing by? Or is this more of a over the phone/text kind of conversation?’_

Akaashi paused, his finger hovering over his key pad as he considered his response.

“Dad? Did you make enough curry for 4?” Akaashi called poking his head out of his door.

“Yeah? Is someone else coming?” his father called back sounding surprised but not unpleased.

“Kuroo’s going to hang out with me for a while.” He informed him. Akaashi had introduced Kuroo and Kenma to his parents a few weeks ago. Admittedly, Kuroo had only dropped by for a moment to say hello before leaving Akaashi and Kenma together while he went and hung out with Bokuto, but Akaashi’s parents had liked him well enough. Though his mother had been far more interested in Kenma. A few minutes in the same room with the blond and she had gained a certain knowing glint to her eyes that told Akaashi he had no need of revealing the name written on his collarbone to her.

“Great! The more the merrier!” his father cheerfully called back. Akaashi smiled slightly as he went back to his bed to text Kuroo. Unlike Akaashi and his mother, his father had always been a bit of a low key extrovert and always got extremely pleased whenever there was going to be more people in the house.

‘ _Coming over would be great. We’re having curry if you want any.’_ Akaashi texted.

 _‘The same curry that you always bring with you in lunches that makes everyone breathe fire? Dude, like I’d miss out on that.’_ Akaashi huffed out a small laugh and dropped his phone onto his chest. Absentmindedly he began to trace Kenma’s name lightly with his finger as he considered how much he wanted to tell his friend. Though he knew Kuroo could be trusted with all of it, he also didn’t want to put him into the position of having to lie to his best friend… also there was only a certain amount of soul vomiting/heart-to-hearting Akaashi could stomach in one go.

Presently though he heard Kuroo knock on the door and his father let the captain in.

 _‘I hear you are “seducing” my boyfriend with godly curry?’_ came a text from Kenma that really did make Akaashi grin.

‘ _Is that what he’s calling it?’_

_‘It is. Have fun. Try and fatten him up for me: he’s comfier to lay on that way.’_

_‘Noted. Enjoy your quiet evening.’_

_‘I will. Feel free to keep him for as long as you want.’_

_‘I’ll tell him you said that.’_

_‘Mmm that’s find just send him home with leftovers.’_

“Keiji! Your friend is here!” His father called shortly followed by the sound of the door opening and cheerful chatter.

“One sec, I am coming.” Akaashi called back rolling to his feet and heading to the kitchen where predictably both men were standing talking excitedly over a cookbook.

“Your father is a wizard among men.” Kuroo solemnly informed him when he caught sight of Akaashi standing in the doorway.

“If you want to learn you can help out with this last bit of prep and learn of my wizardly way.” His dad offered with a teasing grin.

“I’d be honored.” Kuroo said with a glint in his eyes, “I always seem to be cooking this or that for Kenma, I’d be glad to pick up some tricks of the trade.”

“Good good, come along I’ll show you how it’s done,” His father said hiding his eagerness. Akaashi knew he was happy to show off a bit to someone who loved cooking as much as he did seeing as his mother never cooked and Akaashi only cooked when he had to… and the he only went for practical dishes and never anything fancy, “Keiji, could you set the table for us?”

“Sure.” Nodded Akaashi, smiling as he was ignored after that, the two men eagerly discussing seasoning tricks.

“I see we have a guest.” Noted Akaashi’s mother hanging her work things by the door as she entered.

“Welcome back. Yes, Kuroo is going to hang out with me for a bit.” Akaashi leaving the plates to go greet his mother briefly, “How was work?”

“It was work.” Shrugged Akaashi’s mother with a tired smile, “Go finish up, I’ll join you as soon as I change.”

Akaashi nodded and did as he was told, finishing setting the table just as Kuroo and his father came baring pots of food.

“Was that you mother I heard?” asked his father to which Akaashi nodded, “Let me go greet her and we can begin.”

“Your parents are so cute.” Kuroo confided in a low voice as Akaashi’s father left the room.

“I know.” Agreed Akaashi with a fond smile.

“I am always startled whenever I meet your father… I always pictured him more like you.” Admitted Kuroo as they sat down.

“Yeah, me and my mom have always been the ones who were alike.” Nodded Akaashi, he heard that often when people met his father.

“Your dad offered to give me the recipe for this.” Continued Kuroo sounding pleased.

“Kenma will like that. He texted to ask if we could fatten you up so you’d be more comfortable for naps.” Akaashi informed him.

“Augh, that traitor. Yeah, he complains all the time that I am too musclely to be comfortable. Any other partner I am sure would be thrilled about my muscles. Thrilled!” complained Kuroo. But he had such a fond look on his face Akaashi couldn’t help a gush of his own affection for the couple.

“Alright let’s eat!” Akaashi’s father said jovially when he returned, his mother following with a much more reserved smile.

“Hello, Tetsurou wasn’t it? So nice to have you here again.” His mother formally welcomed as she took a seat at the head of the table.

“Thank you for having me on such short notice ma’am.” Said Kuroo politely. Akaashi smiled into his water cup: people tended to be a little shy around his mom. She was so beautiful and put together, it was a little amusing to watch people fumble a bit in her presence.

“It is no trouble at all.” She said graciously as Akaashi’s father began to serve them.

“So Tetsurou, you’re a third year right? What are you planning to do after graduation? It’s coming up pretty quick.” Akaashi’s father began chatting happily.

“Oh don’t remind me,” Kuroo joked, “I got a scouted for volleyball at Tokyo University recently. Bokuto and I are planning to attend there in the spring.”

Akaashi focused on his food. He didn’t like to think of Bokuto and Kuroo leaving.

“What will you be studying there?” inquired his father.

“Kinesiology with an emphasis on education.” Said Kuroo without an ounce of hesitation, “I hope to be a coach later in life.”

Akaashi looked up in surprise. He hadn’t heard that. But now that he thought about it he had no trouble picturing Kuroo coaching kids in volleyball.

“What age group are you thinking of?” asked Akaashi’s father with interest.

“Middle School.” Said Kuroo with a grin, “I kinda like how angsty they are at that age, and I want to be someone who can encourage them to keep going.”

“Quite a worthy ambition.” Noted Akaashi’s mother, and Kuroo flushed a little tugging at his bedhead absentmindedly.

“Thank you ma’am.” Kuroo said. The rest of the meal went on like that, Kuroo and Akaashi’s father dominating most of the conversation. About how Kuroo knew Akaashi and Bokuto, what position he played in volleyball, how long he’d been doing it, what was his favorite subject in school, what Akaashi’s father and mother did for a living, how they’d met, what age were they when they decided to have a kid etc.

“I’d always wanted to have kids. Wanted a lot right away y’know? But my wife here has always been the sensible one between us. We got together in the 90’s so you might remember the country was struggling through a bit of a rough spot economically and living in the city was expensive. So we waited until her job was more secure and I was able to get a job where I could work from home.”

“And was Aka- erm- Keiji and handful?” asked Kuroo with a teasing look in Akaashi’s direction.

“Oh he was a perfect little angel most of the time. Occasionally though he’d find something that he’d want and he’d get so stubborn and hung up on it like you wouldn’t believe. He wouldn’t exactly throw tantrums, but man I’ve never seen a kid give the evil eye quite like Keiji. He was like the king of the silent treatment when he was mad, he could keep it up for days.” His father reminisced with a grin. Akaashi huffed out a quiet breath not liking the turn in conversation. He gave his father an annoyed look.

“Like that! Except in miniature,” grinned Akaashi’s father. Kuroo looked like he was having way too much fun as well.

“You’re forgetting the part where it always worked on you.” Akaashi couldn’t help but point out.

“Not always.” Insisted his father.

“Yes always,” his mother interjected calmly, “Our son would have been spoiled rotten if it was up to you.”

“Ah… there may be some truth to that.” Admitted Akaashi’s father sheepishly.

“Why don’t you boy’s head up, we’ll take care of dishes.” Akaashi’s mother said evenly with the slightest smile in Akaashi’s direction.

“Thank you for the meal.” Akaashi and Kuroo said quickly clearing their places and heading to Akaashi’s room.

“It’s kinda fun,” commented Kuroo making himself at home on Akaashi’s spinning desk chair, “Hearing stories about you when you were little. You don’t talk about yourself too much.”

“Not much to say.” Akaashi shrugged sitting down as well.

“I doubt that,” grinned Kuroo, “I bet you were a freaking cute little kid.”

“From what Kenma tells me, you were just as much a disaster then as you are now.” Akaashi countered.

“Eh, pretty much.” Agreed Kuroo, “I still kinda want to see pictures of you though.”

“No. I forbid it.”

“I bet your dad would show me some if I asked.”

“No talking to my dad either.”

“Aw, come on little prince, your dad loves me. He’d probably adopt me if he could.”

“Don’t suggest it. He would. I have no desire whatsoever to have you as a brother.”

“I am hurt.” Kuroo said laying a hand over his heart.

“You should be.” Akaashi informed him. Kuroo cackled at that for a moment before settling down again and spinning himself lightly on Akaashi’s chair. He was so tall his limbs stuck out everywhere, but somehow he managed to look like an overgrown child.

“So… you called me over here because you wanted to talk. Spill.” Kuroo drawled with a grin.

“Don’t make it sound like we’re a bunch of middle school kids about to gossip.” Frowned Akaashi.

“Aren’t we? Sans the middle school part?” asked Kuroo making himself comfortable with his chin on his forearms, 

“Do you need me to start the gossip rabbit hole? I can do it.”

“That’s not really necessary-“

“Did you know that I’ll be going to the same school as my soulmate? I’ve even met him apparently, isn’t that weird?” said Kuroo waving a hand in the air.

“You what?” Akaashi jolted a little bit from the info.

“Yeah, Kenma says that at least that way I’ll have some at the new school that I get along with besides Bo and Yaku. He has no faith in me sometimes.” Moped Kuroo slightly.

“That’s…” Akaashi didn’t know exactly what to say to that, except that once again he was in awe of the trust that existed in his friend’s relationship. Most people wouldn’t be so easy minded about going to the same school as one person’s soulmate while their significant other was elsewhere. But then again, since when did Kuroo and Kenma ever behave normally?

“Okay so now I’ve spilled my secret, now it’s your turn.” Kuroo prompted

Akaashi sighed. He wanted to talk to Kuroo, knew from experience that once they started the natural chemistry that lay between them would carry the conversation on easily, but he wasn’t sure how to approach the subject.

“What’s Kenma going to do once you graduate?” asked Akaashi instead.

“Now you’re stalling for time. Is it that bad? Do you need me to help you burry a body or something?” asked Kuroo frowning.

“Hardly,” said Akaashi dryly, “And it was a legitimate question.”

“Hmm…” Kuroo gave him a shrewd look before shrugging, “I expect Kenma will do much of what he always does. Play games, do volleyball, try to convince the teachers he’s not a genius so they don’t call on him in class. You know, normal Kenma stuff. He’ll stay on the team for the final year though I can’t convince him to continue in college. I guess that means you two will still play against each other.”

“It’ll be weird without you two.” Commented Akaashi quietly and a look of understanding crossed Kuroo’s face.

“Yeah. Honestly I am trying not to think about not being able to be at Kenma’s house everyday. I’ll miss it… you’ll keep an eye on him won’t you? Make sure he doesn’t isolate when I can’t drag him out?” asked Kuroo, a hint of real worry creeping into his voice.

“Of course.” Akaashi promised easily, “I would do so even if you hadn’t asked me.”

“I know.” Said Kuroo gratefully, “You have no idea how happy it makes me that you two get along so well. It’s like it was meant to be, I can’t believe I didn’t see it earlier.”

“If you keep trying to mother him he’ll get pissed off eventually.” Akaashi warned, the name on his collarbone prickling slightly. Kuroo had no idea how close to the truth he was at that.

“Taking care of people is part of my love language,” Kuroo said shrugging, “Kenma knows this and he likes it for the most part. When he doesn’t, he’s pretty quick to tell me. Communication has always been a pretty big part of our relationship.”

“and what would you do,” Akaashi asked licking his lips a little nervously, “If you thought such communication might destroy you relationship?”

“We’re not talking about Kenma anymore are we.” It wasn’t a question. Kuroo was watching Akaashi with old eyes that were bright and alert.

“No.” admitted Akaashi softly.

“Then I’ll say this: even if keeping secrets postpones harm, they fester and get worse the longer you keep them. So the sooner you bring it out in the open the better for the both of you. Although… if you’re keeping a secret because you don’t know yet what you feel about it… try and do as much of the processing as you can before it is revealed. Because it will be revealed in one way or another. It does less damage if you do it on your terms.” Said Kuroo thoughtfully.

“That… maybe.” Admitted Akaashi, “And I know I have to but…”

Kuroo looked at him expectantly. Patiently.

“I am going to ask Bokuto to be my boyfriend.” Said Akaashi.

“Well over due.” Observed Kuroo with a lazy smile.

“We are not truemates.” Akaashi added and Kuroo’s eyes sharpened on him.

“You’re certain?” he asked.

“Yes.” Said Akaashi.

“Ah,” Kuroo did not ask for specifics, “Bo is going to have trouble with that.”

“Yes.”

“He’s still going to need to know.” Kuroo said slowly seeming to be processing the information, “Probably pretty soon before that little courtship dance you two having on is going to continue.”

“I know,” sighed Akaashi, “But in all the scenarios I’ve considered, there isn’t one where I can see him taking it well. He’s… He holds the position of truemates in such a high status. It’s like part of the core lens through which he sees the world. The rock that he stands on. I’ve been challenging it, but I am worrying a bit now about what shaking that foundation is going to do to him.”

“Akaashi…”

“I really like him.” Akaashi admitted quickly, “I don’t want to hurt him and I don’t want to lose him. But I don’t think both are possible.”

“Akaashi.” Kuroo said seriously getting off the chair and coming to sit by him, “I want you to listen very closely to what I am going to say next.”

“Of course.” Agreed Akaashi frowning.

“I love Bo. He’s very important to me, but I love you too ‘kaashi and I know Kenma feels the same.” Said Kuroo seriously, “And if you tell Bokuto and he can’t get over himself, then you’ve got to let him go. You can not try and sacrifice your happiness for his, that will only make you both miserable.”

“…I don’t know if can do that.” Admitted Akaashi. It was a little hard to acknowledge, when he recognized the wisdom of what Kuroo had just said.

“Then come over with Kenma and I. We’ll help you. Your parents will help you. Hell, your team will help you. You are so _loved_ Akaashi. People will be there if you ask.” Kuroo promised.

“What about Bokuto?” Akaashi asked. This is why he called Kuroo. He was able to work in feelings in a way that both Akaashi and Kenma struggled with. And he was up front in his delivery too.

“Bokuto is just as loved.” Kuroo smiled, “It’ll work out, one way or another… though you know I am personally rooting for you as a pair.”

“Thank you.” Akaashi said, and it was more than just for the statement of his support. He knew Kuroo understood.

“Hey no worries angel, I’ve always got your back.” Said Kuroo winking at him.

“You can be pretty wise sometimes when it suits you.”

“That’s such a back hand compliment, but I’ll take it.” Laughed Kuroo light heartedly. Akaashi smiled and relaxed.

He had good friends.

* * *

 

Akaashi frowned as a rapid tapping sound came from his window. He almost had heart attack when he saw someone was crouching on the ledge of his window before he recognized who it was. He hitched up the sleeve of his sleep shirt that was threatening to slip off his shoulder and marched over to open the window ready to tell Bokuto off for coming over so late at night and not using the door like a normal person. The moment it was open though Bokuto was climbing in and gathering Akaashi up in the kind of hug that made the air puff out of him and his feet be lifted almost from the floor.

“Bokuto- what-?” Akaashi managed, his voice rough from sleepiness. Bokuto held him tighter and buried his face in the crook of Akaashi’s neck muttering quivering words into his skin. Akaashi shivered slightly, and tried to get Bokuto to turn his head so that he could hear him properly.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry ‘kaashi. I know I am being a bother. I should leave but-“ there was an edge to Bokuto’s voice that made Akaashi snap to attention. It was a tone he associated with his friend’s deeper ruts of dejection.

“Bokuto… Shhh…” Akaashi soothed stroking his hair. It was soft and un-spiked and slipped like feathers through his fingers. Gently, Akaashi eased them onto his carpet as he continued to hold the other despite the awkward position, “Slow down. Start again and tell me what’s wrong.”

“Jus’ dropped.” Mumbled Bokuto taking deep breaths, “Just laying on my bed trying to sleep and I just suddenly dropped really bad. It’s not usually this bad ‘kaashi, I don’t know why it’s this bad…”

Akaashi gripped him a little tighter and rubbed soothing circles into his back. When they’d first met, Bokuto’s sudden drops had been frustrating and exasperating. Now, when he knew them more intimately, when he knew that they were not something that Bokuto chose or had much control over, when he saw how badly they hurt him… now he wished there was a way to pour all his love, all his care, all his support into the other. That somehow, all the strength that Bokuto always so freely gave away Akaashi could give back to him when he fell short.

“Were you thinking of anything particular when you dropped?” Akaashi asked letting his body relax into Bokuto’s hold, that he could somehow be what the other needed.

“I don’t know, I don’t know!” Bokuto shook his head nearly unbalancing the two of them, “I was just… I guess my mom and dad had been talking about how they met and stuff and I… but thinking about that kind of thing usually makes me happy? I don’t understand. Maybe it’s graduation or something. I don’t know! These thing never make sense. I wish they would just make sense so I could, I don’t know, think my way out of them?”

“Yeah… It sucks. It’s not your fault though.” Akaashi reminded him. Bokuto nodded into his skin and then raised his head. Akaashi hated how lost he looked. How fragile. ‘ _You’re precious, you’re precious’_ he wanted to tell him over and over. He wanted to protect him. Knew he couldn’t.

“That’s why I came here.” There was a slightly odd look in Bokuto’s eyes and Akaashi- who usually kept careful track of what all Bokuto’s looks and moods meant- didn’t know what to make of it, “You always seem to know just what to do to pull me back up.”

“Bokuto…” There were warning bells going off in Akaashi’s head but he wasn’t sure what for.

“You’re so…” but whatever Bokuto thought he was Akashi never learned because the next moment he was leaning in and kissing him. It was a little awkward, there was some nose mashing, but Bokuto quickly adjusted to a better angle. Akaashi’s fingers flexed unconsciously on Bokuto’s back, a little uncertain. There were reasons why he should be objecting but his head was a little hazy on why at the moment.

Bokuto had never initiated any of their kisses thus far, had never held him this close, and Akaashi wasn’t expecting the way he would melt into it. It was closed mouthed, but firm and sure and full of emotion… all things Akaashi hadn’t realized he’d want. All things he wasn’t sure what to do with except give back just as tender, press just as close, knot his fingers in white and black hair to guide the kiss with more purpose.

Akaashi was jolted out of whatever haze he’d fallen into when his back hit the carpet and something in his head suddenly shrieked ‘ _too fast!’_.

He hadn’t even realized Bokuto was lowing him down.

“Bokuto- stop-“ Akaashi said, a little breathless as he pushed the other firmly back.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” Bokuto asked, immediately frantic.

“No- just- we haven’t talked about anything and I don’t want- this can’t just be some kind of numbing thing for you because you don’t feel good-“ Akaashi struggled to put into words all the reasons why he was feeling uneasy.

“No, no, I swear that wasn’t it! I just wanted- you looked so- I am sorry I am so sorry ‘kaashi please don’t stop talking to me.” Bokuto begged.

“Hey… calm down, you don’t need to apologize. Why would I stop talking to you? I’ve been kissing you all this time haven’t I? You didn’t do anything I didn’t like. That was just… not the right time.” Akaashi propped himself up slightly.

“Sorry…” Bokuto sniffed slightly, “I am so uncool. I just-“

Bokuto froze.

“Bokuto?” Akaashi frowned worriedly.

“I- what-? Kenma’s your-?” Bokuto stuttered looking absolutely devastated. Akaashi’s blood ran cold as he realized that the nightshirt he was wearing did nothing to his soulmark… and that Bokuto was staring right at it.

“I thought you- I thought we could be-“ Bokuto was backing away from him.

“No.” Akaashi said firmly not letting the frightened fluttering in his chest creep into voice as he grabbed Bokuto’s shirt. Something, anything to keep him from leaving. ‘ _I am losing him, I am losing him, I don’t want to lose him.’ “_ Bokuto, this doesn’t change anything. We can still-“

“So you knew? You knew someone else was your soulmate and yet you still kissed me?” Akaashi had expected him to be upset… he hadn’t expected him to be mad. But perhaps he should have.

“Yes I did.” Said Akaashi tilting up his chin unapologetically. Probably not the most soothing to say, but Akaashi was unwilling to pretend that this was something he felt like needed an excuse, “It doesn’t matter- no, don’t give me that look, _it doesn’t matter who the name is_ -“

“Of course it matters! It’s fate!” Bokuto shot back stubbornly.

“Then maybe I want to make my own fate.” Akaashi challenged.

“I bet you only messed around with me because Kenma is with Kuroo.” Bokuto looked like he regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth and even though some part of Akaashi realized that they came from the fact that Bokuto was still in a slump of insecurity, another bigger part of him…

“Get out.” It was spoken softly, but Bokuto looked like he’d been stabbed.

“Akaashi, wait, I didn’t mean-“ Bokuto tried feebly.

“I don’t care, get out. You can not treat me that way. I am not that cheap. I don’t want to see you until we’ve both calmed down.” Akaashi ordered. Bokuto made one last wounded sound before quickly climbed back out his window. Akaashi sat on the floor breathing heavily as if he had just run a race. Then, because even though he was pissed at Bokuto he could recognize that he still cared for him, Akaashi grabbed his phone a sent Bokuto’s mom a quick text.

 _‘Sorry to disturb you so late, but Bokuto and just got in a pretty bad fight. Please make sure get’s back alright and check on him.’_ She responded fairly quickly considering the late hour with a quick thanks and Akaashi dropped his phone back onto the floor. Slowly, Akaashi brought his knees up to his chest and rested his forehead on them.

Akaashi clung to his anger like a blanket. Because he knew once it was gone the grief would come and he didn’t want to deal with that. He couldn’t believe Bokuto had said that to him. He couldn’t believe that Bokuto would think that he was the kind of person to use him as… what, a stand in for Kenma? Some kind of substitute because he couldn’t be with his soulmate? Never. Even if he liked Kenma that way he would never do that to someone.

Bokuto had to know on some level that he was wrong. After all, by his own logic, neither he nor Akaashi nor Kuroo or Kenma should ever be able to be happy with anyone because they were all mismatched in terms of their soulmates. Or Akaashi’s parents for that matter. Or half the freaking population of the world. Truemates were societies ideal, not it’s norm. Akaashi didn’t understand why Bokuto refused to see- refused even entertain the idea-

“Keiji? Baby, are you okay?” his mother called softly knocking on his door before opening it cautiously, “I thought I heard raised voices.”

Akaashi was at once very grateful that his father was a heavy sleeper. He was very protective of Akaashi and would have likely barged in and thrown a fit.

“I am fine mom.” Akaashi said raising his head, he wished he had had time to get up off the floor but his mom was already settling herself down beside him, “I just- Bokuto came by and we got in a fight. He’s gone now though.”

“A fight.” She repeated, her voice tight. Akaashi abruptly became aware he had quite obviously been kissing someone, his lips bruised, his hair mussed, and his clothes sitting ungracefully on him from the way Bokuto’s hands had twisted in them… The fact that he was sitting on the floor upset after, the kind of picture that might paint for a parent…

“Mom, no, we weren’t even- and anyway, Bokuto would never- I mean, we were fighting about soulmate things, not…” Akaashi said quickly flushing his words coming out a bit disjointed.

“If that boy ever hurt you, you know you could come to me about it right?” She said seriously.

“Yes mom, I know.” Akaashi assured her.

“Good.” She said seeming satisfied after searching his face, “Bokuto is a sweet boy, and he honestly seems to worship the ground you walk on so I am not too worried. But I also know what it is like to be young and get carried away.”

Akaashi flushed up to his ears, but stayed quiet at that.

“That being said, no more boyfriends sneaking in your window at night. And I want your door to stay open when you have him over. At least while you’re still underage.” She said sternly.

“Bokuto is not-“ Akaashi began, but his mother fixed him with a look, “Yes mom.”

“Good. Now I’d like to hear about this fight, if you’re willing to tell me, but for now I think sleep is in order.” She said her stern features softening as she gently pushed back his dark curls, “I am alright with you skipping school tomorrow too, if you need time to sort yourself out.”

“Thanks mom.” Said Akaashi softly with a tired smile.

He let her tuck him in as if he were still a child. The pain of the evening still lay very real in his chest, but it was dulled slightly by his mother’s presence and Akaashi felt himself gratefully drifting to sleep.

Tomorrow he would deal with today’s consequences. Tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though Akaashi is very mature we can not forget that he’s still pretty young. I wrote him to have a pretty close relationship with his parents in this story, so their support is very important. Getting advice from people older than you can be tricky since it so often comes with generational gaps in understanding and prejudices. But if you can find a safe person (not necessarily a parent), advice from people with more life experience than you is truly priceless.
> 
> My internet is going to be spotty and unpredictable for the next 2 months as well so this could be either really good or bad for my writing depending.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of updates! 
> 
> As always I'd like to flag the fact that no matter how mature some of these volleyball boys are, they're all still teenagers and they're all still figuring things out. Most likely, even an adult, is not probably going to get things right on the first try. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

Akaashi gritted his teeth.

Bokuto was across the room training with another setter. It shouldn’t feel like this much of a betrayal, but it did. Bokuto had been avoiding looking at him, but the few times Akaashi had caught him he’d seen a mass of emotions flicker across his face: pain, anger, shame, confusion. Perhaps if Akaashi was a better person he’d try to be more understanding, but damn it all he was pissed and he felt perfectly justified being pissed. He also knew that Bokuto was perfectly justified in his own feelings as well though.

Thus they were at an uncomfortable standstill where neither of them were talking to the other.

“Is everything alright?” the coach asked pulling Akaashi aside.

“Yes, the first years are looking promising, we may want to up their drills and practice matches if we want them to be able to function as a team next term-“ Akaashi began to report.

“No, I- yes I agree with you, but I was actually asking about you and Bokuto. He’d over there looking like a kicked puppy.” The coach said scratching his head.

“Have you asked him?” asked Akaashi carefully stacking the volleyballs in the bin.

“Well, no.” frowned the coach, “I was hoping you might have some insight about how to approach the situation.”

“I am afraid I don’t, sorry.” Said Akaashi formally bowing and returning to drilling the first years. He knew that wasn’t completely true, but he didn’t want to admit that there was any drama going on between him and the owl haired captain. Some part of Akaashi detested the fact that his life had somehow become the stereotypical stuff of daytime drama’s. Over the top. Stupid. Pointless.

Akaashi clenched his jaw and tossed a little quicker to one of the first years. To his surprise the boy managed to hit it and it slammed into the court. The boy looked as surprised as everyone else.

“Very good. If you can practice a bit more and keep that up we may be able to put you on the line up for next season.” Akaashi praised. He had potential. He might even be able to fill in the gap Bokuto would be leaving with a bit more training, thou Akaashi didn’t say that. Didn’t want to blow the kid’s head up too big too early. The boy flushed and stared at Akaashi with bright shinning eyes that looked a little awestruck, a little flustered. Akaashi frowned. What an odd reaction.

“Little first year’s got a crush~” sang Konoha when Akaashi passed him.

“Don’t worry, they all will by the end of the season. No one is immune” Grinned Komi elbowing the other with a leer.

“Stop being ridiculous you two and get back to practice.” Akaashi chided them. Honestly. How preposterous. Most people didn’t even talk to him he doubted there was actually anyone who knew him well enough to actually have a crush on him except maybe Bokuto… Bokuto who had seen the exchange and was now smacking down ball after ball with increasing ferocity scaring their poor extra setter. Akaashi considered intervening but decided that ultimately he’d likely only make it worse.

He tossed balls for the first years and drilled them on receives until the coach called it time to clean up. He watched from the corner of his eyes Bokuto pack up his things with lightening speed and head out before anyone else without even glancing towards him. Akaashi tried to ignore the way that hurt as well by focusing on cleaning and then afterwards giving a detailed assessment of each team member to the coach.

“Good. I’d like to meet with you and Bokuto to come up with our strategy for nationals soon. Could you two come in a little early on Saturday?” the coach asked.

“I’ll let you know.” Akaashi said. It felt like a bad idea to comit to anything right at the moment but on the other hand… they’d _better_ have at least semi sorted out their shit by Saturday.

He wasn’t all that surprised when he received a call from Kuroo on his way out of the gym. Honestly he was surprised it hadn’t come sooner.

“Hello Kuroo.” He greeted formally.

“ _Hey angelface, just wondering if you might know why Bokuto is not talking to me?”_

Akaashi instantly felt guilty. Then a little pissed too.

“Despite what everybody else seems to believe, I am not Bokuto’s keeper.” Akaashi said harshly. Why did everyone expect him to have the answers? Akaashi was just as lost as everyone else if not more so yet people still looked at him with the expectation that he was supposed to have it all together.

“ _Whoa, Akaashi, are you okay? Is this a bad time?”_ Kuroo instantly went from casual to concerned.

“Fine, sorry, just… rough couple of days.” Akaashi said rubbing his head. He could feel a stress induced migraine coming on.

“ _Kenma mentioned that he hadn’t heard anything from you in the last couple of days either, is something wrong? Should we come over?”_ asked Kuroo slowly.

“Probably better if you didn’t.” admitted Akaashi. Bokuto probably didn’t know how to deal with the couple at the moment with the new information he had. Probably the main reason he hadn’t spoken to Kuroo since their fight. Seeing them would likely bring up too many confusing emotions and Akaashi wanted to spare their friends the drama as much as possible.

“ _…Okay, seriously Akaashi, if you don’t spill right now I am coming over. You’re kind of freaking me out.”_ Kuroo said after a moment of silence.

“You don’t need to worry, we’ll figure ourselves out, just right now we’re…” Akaashi bit his lip, the line between composure and honesty was truly difficult some days. He was glad Kuroo couldn’t see his face right now: his sharp eyes would doubtless read far more than Akaashi was willing to show, “You know how I said the other day that I was certain that Bokuto and I were not truemates?”

“ _Oh…”_ a long charged silence, “ _I take it he knows now?”_

“He found out in a less than ideal way.” Agreed Akaashi, “Anyway, we’re not talking right now so I can’t say for sure how he’s doing.”

“ _I take it you fought?”_ Akaashi could hear the wince in Kuroo’s voice.

“Indeed.” Agreed Akaashi shortly feeling something bitter in his throat.

“ _That’s… shit man I am so sorry.”_ Kuroo said earnestly, there was a pause and then, “ _But you know, I’d still think Bokuto would have come to me about it… at least for a distraction if not to spill his guts.”_

“You and Kenma might be sort of involved. Sorry.” Said Akaashi shortly.

“ _Involved? Wait… I am not your soulmate am I?”_ asked Kuroo slowly.

“Why is it the first person everybody assumes is my soulmate- when they find out it’s not Bokuto- is you?” asked Akaashi shaking his head slightly at the world. To him, it didn’t make much sense.

“ _Probably because of our stunning personalities and sensual chemistry?”_ joked Kuroo.

“We’ll go with that.” Snorted Akaashi feeling better despite himself, Kuroo always seemed to make him feel better. He hoped he wasn’t fucking that up, but now that everything was out in the open his friend deserved honesty, “Kenma is my soulmate though.”

Silence.

Somehow, in all his worrying about how Bokuto would take the knowledge, how Kenma would take the knowledge, Akaashi had never stopped to wonder if Kuroo would be upset that Kenma was his soulmate. Akaashi closed his eyes. Whatever Kuroo’s response was, he’d accept it. His chest tightened though at the thought of a negative response.

“ _That… makes a lot of sense… that makes a lot of things make sense.”_ Kuroo said slowly, “ _Huh.”_

 _“_ Kuroo-“ Akaashi wasn’t sure what he was going to say but it didn’t really matter.

“ _Are you in love with Kenma?”_ was all Kuroo asked.

“Not that way.” Akaashi firmly replied.

“ _And you are in love with Bokuto? And Bokuto knows that Kenma is your soulmate?”_ Kuroo clarified.

“Yes to both.” Akaashi said quietly, then added since he was on a roll anyway, “And I am Bokuto’s soulmate, but I haven’t had the chance to tell him yet.”

“ _Shit…”_ breathed Kuroo, “ _Okay everything is coming together now. Kenma knows doesn’t he?”_

“Yes.” Admitted Akaashi, “We decided not to tell you because we didn’t want to put you in a bad position since Bokuto is your best friend.”

 _“Sounds like the kind of plan you and Kenma would come up with,”_ sighed Kuroo at length, “ _But you know, and I think I might speak for Bokuto as well on this, I wish you two would have told us. Because even if it was shitty and messy I don’t want you guys to protect- it should be something that we figure out together you know?”_

“I…” Akaashi swallowed, he still couldn’t regret his decision. He still believed that he had made the right the decision. Would likely do the same thing if he did it over again. But he understood what Kuroo was telling him, “I hear you.”

“ _I trusted you guys about when I figured out who my soulmark was supposed to be for… I thought after the initial reveal you guys knew you could trust me.”_ Sighed Kuroo and Akaashi did feel like shit about that because it was true.

“We didn’t want to make you lie to a friend.” Akaashi repeated again softly.

 _“I know, and I am not mad at either of you. But seriously, no more big soulmate secrets. This communication stuff is what makes or breaks relationships. And I really value my relationships with you three, different though each of them might be.”_ Kuroo sighed, “ _Just… can you tell me something big comes up? A little heads up would be nice.”_

“I did give you heads up.” Said Akaashi.

“ _I know you did, that part of why I am not mad.”_ Admitted Kuroo, “ _And no matter what happens with Bokuto, you’re still my friend angel.”_

 _“_ Thanks Kuroo.” Akaashi felt himself smile.

“ _Naturally, I am full of wisdom and grace as you may have noticed.”_ Kuroo joked.

“Goodbye Kuroo.” Akaashi laughed slightly as the other cooed out his farewell and hung up. He glanced up, realized that his feet had carried him to the front of Bokuto’s house out of habit. The lightness in his chest from Kuroo’s acceptance faded almost immediately as he caught sight of Bokuto’s upper window curtains pull closed. Akaashi swallowed back something angry, something hurt, and turned away to walk back to his own house.

He greeted his father as normally as possible, told him he’d already eaten, and quickly hurried to his room and threw himself into his homework. Ironically, there wasn’t much to do since homework was what he’d been pouring all his free time into these days to avoid thinking about personal matters. He was actually ahead at this point. Akaashi rechecked over all his work, got ahead in a few more classes, and began to sort through his bag looking for something else productive to do. Maybe he could draw up detailed charts for each of the players for next season’s team? Seemed like overkill, especially when he knew the managers kept charts like that always tracking the different players progress.

“Keiji.” His mom entered without knocking.

“Hi mom.” Akaashi rose to greet her.

“I think it’s past time we talked.” His mother said seriously pitting down and patting the bed beside her. Reluctantly, Akaashi sighed and joined her. He knew it was true. “Why don’t you tell me what’s been going on?”

So Akaashi did.

He told her all of it. Starting from the day he first noticed his name hiding behind the shell of Bokuto’s ear, his decision not to tell him, getting to know Kenma and his own soulmark appearing, deciding he wanted to try and pursue Bokuto and all the drama that had ensued since. His mother listened quietly, only speaking to ask clarifying questions. Part of the reason Akaashi was able to tell her was that he knew his mother would judge him for his decisions. She would advise, but at the end of the day, she let Akaashi handle his life how he wanted to.

“That was a lot to carry all on your own.” His mother noted stroking back his hair gently.

“Not… all on my own. Kenma’s been there with me a lot of the way.” Akaashi admitted.

“Kenma is a good friend for you.” Said Akaashi’s mother in approval.

“He is.” Agreed Akaashi, “Kuroo too.”

“I think Bokuto would be too, if you let him.” Said his mom softly.

“I am still angry at him.” Admitted Akaashi.

“Rightly so. He should not have said that to you, understandably upset or not.” She said patiently, “Forgiveness is something both of you are going to need to ask for.”

“I wish it hadn’t turned out the way that it did, but I still think that I did the right thing,” Akaashi said stubbornly, “You know Bokuto, you know how he get’s, if I had told him-“

“I do know Bokuto, and while you might be right about him possibly not reacting well to knowing that you two were mismatched, you took that opportunity of reacting- whether that be bad or good- away from him and that’s not really fair either.” His mother said firmly.

“It’s not like I was going to keep it a secret forever, I was just trying to find a way to tell him that would hurt the least, or that could actually be good for us.” Frowned Akaashi.

“Quite understandable. You love him and you acted trying to protect him. But you know Keiji, you have to take care in situations like this. When trying to protect people you love, you have to be careful that you don’t infantilize them. You took away his choice and voice in the matter, asserting that you could make better choices for him than he could. That you could manipulate him and the situation into something that would be “best” for both of you.” Said his mom.

“I didn’t manipulate-“ Akaashi started, then frowned, because he kind of had. But phrasing it like that left a sour taste in him mouth.

“Manipulation is not intrinsically evil Keiji, but it is something that is easy to do for people like us and therefore has to be something we are careful about so that we don’t harm those that we love.” She reassured him.

“I suppose.” Akaashi tugged on his fingers uncertainly.

“My point is simply that from what I heard from you, you really love Bokuto and you wanted to protect his heart and have a relationship with him.” His mother reflected, “But Keiji, you can not have a healthy relationship if you always have all the power in it. It you keep such tight control, if you maintain such a power imbalance, even if it seemed like that is what would be best or most logical, Bokuto would not be your partner he would simply be an object of your affections but also something ultimately beneath you.”

“That’s not-! I don’t think Bokuto is-!” Akaashi objected immediately.

“Shh, Keiji I never believed you did. That has never seemed to me the kind of relationship you would want, which is why I felt it was important to talk it out.” Akaashi’s mother said, “I don’t expect you to take all of what I say at face value, in fact I advise you to not do so. But please think on it. If you really do still want a relationship with Bokuto, whether that be friendship or boyfriend, you’re going to have to think about that that relationship is going to look like. Is it going to be something about equality and trust then I’d advise that a very honest discussion is probably in order.”

“I- okay. Thanks mom.” Akaashi conceded. She squeezed his hand and rose gracefully to walk out of the room.

Akaashi glanced at his clock. It was dark outside but it was still pretty early in the night. Even so, Akaashi decided to lay down on his bed. He didn’t think he’d be sleeping anytime soon though. Too many thoughts swirled through his head. Had he been infantilizing Bokuto? Treating him like a child that couldn’t take care of/protect itself or be expected to make good decisions. He hated the thought but- if he _was_ doing that then his mom was right, he wanted to stop immediately. He wanted an equal in relationships. Any relationship friendship or otherwise. With Kenma it was easy. With Bokuto it was a little trickier because there was times when the captain needed help being picked up and cared for. Akaashi really liked taking care of people, it was part of how he liked to love people. Also part of the reason he suspected he and Kuroo weren’t soulmates despite having good general chemistry: they were both caretakers that struggled with letting other people take care of them. The problem was that Akaashi had trouble turning off the ‘caretaker’ mode for Bokuto. He was one of Akaashi’s most important people so he was always on high alert for his needs, whatever they may be.

It was an impulse he’d need to learn to control if he hoped to ever have a good relationship with Bokuto.

 _I wish you two would have told us. Because even if it was shitty and messy I don’t want you guys to protect- it should be something that we figure out together you know?_ Kuroo’s voice rang out clear in his head.

Akaashi made up his mind.

Sneaking out was easy. It wasn’t really necessary, but his father would likely fret and he wanted to avoid that. Sneaking to Bokuto’s house was a little trickier. For one thing, Akaashi rarely broke the rules, both those spoken and unspoken. For another, Akaashi didn’t have any siblings that would cause a ruckus if the other was seen. He decided with some chagrin to take a leaf out of Bokuto’s book and go right for the window. There where no convenient trees like at Akaashi’s house, but there was a wall from which he could hoist himself onto the windowsill. Once he got up there he found that little handholds had already been attached to the whole route.

Apparently this was something that Bokuto did often enough.

“Bokuto.” Akaashi called softly tapping on his window. What if he didn’t speak to him? Akaashi hadn’t thought of that. He knocked more firmly, “Bokuto, open the window.”

Moments later a disoriented Bokuto wandered over with his hair dried wild from a shower.

His eyes got huge when he saw him.

Bokuto swallowed quite visibly before hurrying to open the window.

“’Kaashi, what…?” he looked so lost. Akaashi was still kind of mad at him but… he was also realizing that that did not negate at all his love for him.

“You’ve been avoiding me, so I came to talk to you.” Said Akaashi simply climbing through the window and moving aside his school books to get over his desk and into the room properly.

“You- you’ve been avoiding me back!” Bokuto shot back weakly.

“I have.” Admitted Akaashi, “I was pretty pissed at you.”

“But… you’re not anymore?” asked Bokuto hopefully.

“No, I am still mad, but we need to talk so I figured I could put that aside for now.” Said Akaashi shrugging.

“What’s there to talk about? You were _using_ me.” Said Bokuto the pain and bitterness heavy in his voice.

“Actually, I was attempting to date you.” Said Akaashi drily and Bokuto’s head snapped up, “But it seems I’ve done a pretty bad job at that.”

“You-“ Bokuto looked even more lost.

“I am sorry.” Akaashi beat him to the chase. Bokuto looked beyond shocked, “I was afraid you wouldn’t want me when you discovered we weren’t truemates so I kept it a secret and tried to date you anyway even though I knew you’d have a problem with it… no because I knew you’d have a problem with it. That was rather shitty and I am sorry about it.”

“I-“ Bokuto swallowed, “Why did you want to date me so much?”

“Because I like you,” _obviously_ Akaashi barely refrained from saying, though he couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

“But Kenma-“

“Is my friend whom I love a lot but have no interest in dating. Truly.” Akaashi stated.

“Oh. But- hm uh then- no…” Bokuto looked at him hopelessly, “I don’t understand.”

“I view it as being that Kenma is perfectly suited to being my friend.” Shrugged Akaashi, “That’s not what I came here to talk to you about though.”

“You didn’t?” Bokuto looked beyond bewildered, the implicit ‘ _what else is there?’_ was written all over his face. Akaashi sighed.

“Perhaps it would be easier… can I barrow your phone?” asked Akaashi.

“Sure…” said Bokuto handing it over.

“Here, hold still.” Akaashi instructed him as he approached and pushed back the hair falling around Bokuto’s ears as he struggled not to fidget.

“What are you doing?” asked Bokuto nervously.

“Hang on,” Akaashi clicked a picture and the retreated back into his own space.

“What was that about?” asked Bokuto in confusion.

“I can over here because I don’t want there to be secrets between us. Whether we date or not, I am done with it and I wanted to clear the air.” Akaashi said, he took a breath and handed over the picture of Bokuto’s soulmark, “I first caught sight of this about a year ago. I had figured out by that point that it was very unlikely that we were truemates. Not long after that I received my own soulmark confirming that suspicion. I knew how much truemates meant to you and I- well, as I said before I am sorry.”

Bokuto’s lips were parted as he reached out and tentatively touched the shape of Akaashi’s name in the photo.

“I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, but once I realized-” Akaashi took a steadying breath, he was shit at this whole confessing and apologizing business, “I didn’t want you to love me because of a name on your skin… just because you felt you needed to because I was your soulmate. I was afraid of that. But I still wanted you so I-”

Akaashi stopped and shifted uncomfortably. He felt like a fool and-

And Bokuto made a soft broken sound and dropped his phone onto his bed and pulled Akaashi into a back creaking embrace.

“Bokuto?” Akaashi asked uncertainly.

“I don’t know. I don’t know anything ‘Kaashi.” Mumbled Bokuto, “I don’t know what to think or how to feel. But I do know that you have always been… always just one of my most important people.”

“Yeah…” Akaashi hugged him back. He appreciated that Bokuto hadn’t told him that he loved him. That would have felt fake. Especially after he’d just found out Akaashi was his soulmate but not his truemate.

“I wish- I want to be able to tell you stuff, but my head is such a mess right now ‘Kaashi-“ Bokuto began sounding frustrated.

“Shh, take as long as you need. If that’s days or weeks or years… We are still friends no matter what you discover. We are still partners on the court. I love you a lot, but honestly rest is negotiable.” Akaashi admitted, though a small part of his brain still cried ‘ _I hope I hope IhopeIhope!’._ He tried to shut that down as Bokuto nodded into his skin. Hope was dangerous.

“ _I missed you so so much_.” Bokuto whispered still holding him like his life depended on it.

“Me too…” Akaashi admitted.

“I was so mad at you but I also don’t know how to be mad at you. And I didn’t know what to do with the fact that I hurt you.” Admitted Bokuto.

“Yeah.” That summed it up pretty well.

“And I got all stupid and jealous about dumb stuff like all the times you and Kenma would go hang out by yourselves, or you and Kuroo pretending to flirt-“

“We do not-“ Akaashi started to protest.

“-you definitely do, and even just the first years on the team replacing me…” Bokuto trailed off, “Like, I don’t want you to stop doing those things. You and Kenma are really good together and when you and Kuroo get going you’re an absolute hoot and I love that you’re training the first years to be strong. I don’t want to own you: I’d hate that. But… it felt like I was losing you and so it hurt that everyone else got to be with you but I had fucked that up.”

Akaashi stayed silent. Listened. Tried to process that.

“I just… really missed you. Don’t go away again.” Bokuto told him.

“Idiot,” Akaashi told him fondly, “You’re the one that’s going away, third-year-soon-to-be-college-student.”

“What am I going to do when you’re not around to believe in me?” asked Bokuto in a small voice. A secret fear. Akaashi wasn’t sure he’d realized just how much the other relied on him. Hadn’t realized that that might cause an issue if it persisted.

 _Equals._ He could almost hear his mother say.

“I guess you’ll just have to learn to believe in yourself.” Akaashi told him.

Bokuto held him a little tighter.

“And when you get really stuck, you’ll just have to remember that me and Kuroo and Kenma and Konaha and Komi and all of them… we’re not so far away, and we’d all drop everything to come help you.” Akaashi reminded him.

Bokuto let out a shuddering breath, then another, then he raised his head. Akaashi was pretty sure he’d been crying but he didn’t comment. Bokuto kept his arms around him and so did Akaashi. Just looked at each other. They were almost the same height and this close Akaashi could see the way he damp eyelashes clung together, pretty and long. Could see the sparse, almost invisible freckles that kissed his skin secretly here and there. Could see the little dip in his nose that always crinkled when he smiled. Could see that he’d been biting his lip pretty hard earlier. Could see that Bokuto was drinking in the sight of him just the same.

Could see that there was intention growing in Bokuto’s gaze.

“Don't.” Akaashi said turning his head away as Bokuto leaned in for a kiss. He’d learned his lesson.

“You don’t want to?” Bokuto asked uncertainly, confused, insecure.

“I do.” Admitted Akaashi pursing his lips and frowning, “But you… If you’re going to kiss me again, get you head a little sorted first. Because if you’re going to kiss me again, then I want it to be as your boyfriend.”

Bokuto’s breath caught.

“You mean that?” Bokuto asked as if all of this was finally starting to sink in.

“I mean that.” Akaashi confirmed, “But you’re going to have to decide what you think about being with someone who’s not your truemate first.”

“I guess so…” Bokuto looked conflicted. Akaashi could sympathize even if he couldn’t empathize: dealing with a possible change in belief that you’d held your entire life wasn’t exactly simple or easy. It was likely going to be an on-going process.

“But will you still be friend’s with me? No matter what I decide?” asked Bokuto nervously.

That one was easy. It’d hurt, but he couldn't comprehend any other answer.

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi's reactions and decisions are both pretty understandable, but that doesn't mean there aren't kind of problematic aspects of it. What's good about Akaashi though is that he's pretty receptive to constructive criticism and can grow from it. At least that's the impression he's always given me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late! When I put this date for the update I forgot I was moving across the country this weekend and how hectic that would get. Enjoy!

If Akaashi had expected there to be some cataclysmic change with his confession he would have been disappointed. As it was he felt.... Strangely at peace with whatever would happen.

Because he was seeing that the quiet happiness he derived from their friendship was just as special to him as the promise of a committed relationship.

Bokuto for his part was only a little skittish the first few days when he wasn't yet sure if Akaashi would abandon him if he didn't choose a relationship. Once assured  that this was not the case they returned to something of the close friendship they'd had before. But there was an underlying trust and respect there that hadn't been there before.

Exams and preparation for the preliminaries ensured that they didn't have a lot of extra time anyways. Kuroo and Kenma were equally if not more weighed down at the moment given that Kuroo was was in advanced classes and Nekoma didn't have a student manager to help elevate the laid of his captains duties. Bokuto was bummed, but Akaashi helpfully reminded him they were going to the same college so they'd be spending plenty of time together soon enough.

Privately, Akaashi had worried that he may have caused a certain amount of tension in the couple's relationship.

_'Kuroo was upset_.' Kenma had texted, _'but it has lead to some good conversations about what we need from one another in terms of trust and communication so it turned out alright.'_

Akaashi found himself missing both of his friends and their input, but there was nothing to be done about it.

To distract Bokuto from missing their cat-like friends- and to ensure he actually studied- he and Akaashi decided to have after school study sessions at Bokuto’s house with Konoha and Komi, both of whom also would be graduating. Bokuto’s mother was good about keeping his younger siblings out from under foot and the environment was warm and playful thought still productive.

Akaashi once again realized he was the only regular on the team that was a second year. They had some good first years and the second years in reserve weren't bad necessarily. Akaashi would still have his hands full as captain next year. He couldn't help but speculate that next year might be a little lonely.

"Akaashi, don't frown so much." Konoha said reaching across the table to poke him in the forehead, "I know you’re our team's beautiful mama hen but if you worry so much you're going to get wrinkles."

"That's unlikely since I imagine I'll look like my mother when I get older. But if I do then I am blaming you lot." Akaashi said mildly flipping to the next page. He couldn't believe some of the stuff these three idiots didn't know: he was a year below them and he somehow still ended up teaching them.  
Except for math. Bokuto was weirdly good at math. Trying to get him to explain his reasoning was next to impossible because it wasn't something he was really consciously doing.

"Oh yeah? What's your mom look like?" Asked Komi curiously.

"Pretty much just like me but older with longer hair." Said Akaashi underlying a passage and handing it to Komi, "here, make sure you study that: it almost certain to be on the exam."

"So essentially, she's drop dead gorgeous?" Konoha teased.

"And scary." Bokuto threw in.

"Scary?" Asked Konoha curiously. He'd only ever met Akaashi's father who was the gentlest soul in existence.

"Yeah. She's super pretty and super smart and when she looks at you its like 'uwah!' Like wow, pretty sure she can read your mind." Bokuto told the other two with the special kind of reverence he reserved only for Akaashi's mother.

"So.... Essentially, just like Akaashi?" Teased Konoha making the black haired setter roll his eyes.

"How'd your parents meet?" Asked Komi.

"College. They were neighbors that became friends and eventually decided to get married." Akaashi summarized briefly not looking up from his notes. He could tell when someone was trying to sidetrack him and he refused to give in.

“Aw cute.” Laughed Konoha before waggling his eyebrows, “So how long did they know each other before they got their soulmarks?”

“They’re not soulmates.” Akaashi corrected mildly. He didn’t usually flash that fact around, but neither was he going to lie to his friend about it when asked straight out.

“Wait what?” Bokuto asked sitting up from where he’d been sprawling slightly with his notebook, “No way. Your parents are so perfect together there is no way they’re not truemates.”

“They’re far from perfect.” said Akaashi dryly, “But they do really love each other and are devoted people so it all works out. They both have other soulmates. My mom and her’s are friends and my dad’s is off overseas. Never really been a problem for my family.”

“Dude, I think my respect for your folks just multiplied. They sound really rad.” laughed Konoha.

“I guess I’ve never thought about marrying someone who wasn’t my soulmate, but I suppose it could work. Might be kind of tough though,” Mused Komi scratching at his short brown hair and staring up at the ceiling, “Would you ever follow in your parent’s footsteps Akaashi? I mean like, marry someone who wasn’t your soulmate?”

Akaashi could feel Bokuto’s gaze locked onto him but he refused to look at him.

“That depends,” said Akaashi slowly, “On the person in question and the situation. But I am not adverse to the idea.”

“I’d be fine dating someone who wasn’t my soulmate, but marrying? What if they got someone else’s name? I think I’d get jealous.” declared Konoha, “But geeze, props to people who can do it. That takes some serious balls.”

“What about you Bokuto?” asked Komi leaning forward. Akaashi tried to tell himself he wasn’t interested in the answer but-

“Maybe.” Bokuto said licking his lips a little nervously, “I think- Maybe. If it was a very special sort of person.”

Akaashi couldn’t help but glance at him at that. Had to look away when his gaze met bright gold eyes. He tried to take a deep breath without it being too obvious. Akaashi was Bokuto’s soulmate so the question didn’t _really_ apply to their situation… but it was still a very different answer than he imagined Bokuto would have given a few months ago. It still made his heart beat a little faster.

“Ah, our fearless leader strikes again.” laughed Konoha slapping their captain on the back.

“Alright that’s quite enough you three.” Akaashi chide, “I don’t want to stay up too late doing this.”

The proclamation was met with groans from all sides.

“Say Akaashi, how about we go study at your house one of these days? I really want to meet your parents now.” asked Komi.

“No.” replied Akaashi shortly. He knew that if they did there would be no studying happening and his dad would probably just try to stuff them full of baked goods.

“Aw come on!” complained Konoha.

“If you pass your exams then maybe you can visit.” Akaashi bargained instead setting his book aside and getting to his feet to go make some tea.

“You boy’s doing well up over there?” asked Bokuto’s mother smiling a secret smile when she saw him.

“Quite well. They’re all very bright once they focus.” Akaashi said honestly.

“They’re all going to miss you terribly once they leave. They don’t know that the treasure they have in you.” she praised. Akaashi shifted a little awkwardly not used to accepting such straightforward compliments.

“Thank you ma’am.” he said simply bowing his head instead.

“Always so formal. You know you needn’t be after all this time. You’re practically family.” She scolded him batting away his hands as he tried to take the teapot and instead pouring it for him.

“I am honored that you think so.” said Akaashi humbly.

“My son thinks the world of you.” she said suddenly and some part of Akaashi realized she knew far more than she was letting on. Perhaps she’d always known.

“I… am very fond of Koutarou as well.” Akaashi admitted. She looked at him long, gold eyes alert and perceptive before she beamed at him.

“I know. I am glad you two found each other.” she said handing him his tea. Akaashi felt his throat tightening a little bit but he maintained his composure and thanked her politely before leaving the kitchen to go back to their study room.

He almost ran straight into Bokuto in the hallway.

“It’s rude to eavesdrop you know Bokuto.” he scolded him. Bokuto was staring at him gold eyes that seemed utterly captivated. Like Akaashi was the only thing resting in a silent spotlight. The attention was a little terrifying. It was also a little intoxicating.

“You called me by my first name in there.” Bokuto noted stepping a little closer.

“I did.” agreed Akaashi willing his feelings not to show on his face, “It would be strange to use your last name in your home when it belongs to your mother and your siblings as well. It might get confusing.”

“I like it when you call me by my first name.” Bokuto decided, “You should do it more often. Can I call you Keiji as well?”

“No.” said Akaashi immediately.

“Why not?” Bokuto pouted a bit.

“Just… because.” Akaashi replied lamely. How could he describe the way his name on bokuto’s tongue made his chest swell painfully tight and wonderful with… something.

“You know.” Bokuto said suddenly thoughtful, “I used to think you didn’t get embarrassed by anything. Now I’ve noticed that your ears get really really red.”

“Oh?” Akaashi tried to sound nonchalant as Bokuto reached out and touched one of his ears feather-light and soft. The skin was hot under his fingers and Akaashi knew his ears were red right that moment.

“Yeah. And your ears are kind of pretty and pointed. Like a fairy.” said Bokuto almost reverently.

“I don’t think ears are supposed to pretty Bokuto.” Akaashi said taking a step back into his own space. If this went on he would kiss him and spill his tea everywhere.

“They’re on you. Of course they’re pretty.” Bokuto blinked as if this was the most obvious fact in the world.

Akaashi had the strangest urge to punch Bokuto. Not because he was mad or offended, but because he suddenly had no idea how to handle all the emotions swirling through him. Instead he took a deep breath.

“Bokuto. You can’t say things like that when you know I am in love with you.” Akaashi said firmly walking past him.

“What if- What if maybe I want to anyway?” Bokuto asked following him.

“Then you need to make up you mind what you want along with that.” Akaashi said softly before leading the way back to their friends.

* * *

 

Bokuto's was not a quiet existence. Akaashi wasn't sure why he somehow expected that when Bokuto made up his mind it be something... Normal. Like, you know, pulling him aside and telling him yes or no sometime after school or practice.  
It was not, however picking him up and planting an enthusiastic kiss in the middle of the qualifiers against Nekoma after a particularly nice spike.  
The crowd yelled its approval and Akaashi could feel his ears turning red with embarrassment along with the secret thrill of knowing what this meant.  
He could see Kenma wince slightly with second hand embarrassment and Kuroo whooping triumphantly. The rest of Nekoma looked a range of smug like Yaku, outright jealous like Yamamoto, or bewildered like Lev.

“Geez, keep your pants on captain we’re in a game.” teased Konoha as Bokuto reluctantly set Akaashi back on his feet.

“Congrats you two, I think it’s safe to say we’re all jealous of you captain.” grinned Komi.

“Extremely jealous.” agreed Konoha with a mournful sigh in akaashi’s direction as the rest of the team nodded in agreement. Akaashi knew he blush was not restricted to his ears now but probably creeping down his neck as well.

“Find your own boyfriend.” Bokuto huffed at them and a secret thrill ran through Akaashi as gold eyes turned back to him, “If that’s alright with you that is, because ‘Kaashi you’re the most wonderful-”

“Save it for after the game.” Akaashi said quickly.

“After we win this game you mean.” teased Bokuto, his eyes so bright even as they fluttered to give him another kiss that made the referee clear his throat.

“Yes.” Agreed Akaashi, “After we win.”

* * *

 

“Congratulations.” Kenma told him softly as they shook hands under the net after the game.

“Thanks.” Said Akaashi his smile softening at the blond, “You played well today too.”

“I suppose. There was no way we were going to bring down Bokuto’s high after a move like that though.” Kenma huffed out a small laugh which might have been amusment, “Good luck with him.”

“See you at nationals.” Akaashi said. A promise as much as a statement. Kenma merely inclined his head. He watched his soulmate friend rejoin his team. Watched him seemingly casually drift close to Kuroo who was dragging his hand through his hair and looking a little stressed by the prospect of their next game against Nohebi. Kenma lightly touched the other’s hand. The stress in Kuroo’s shoulders seemed to drain out of him all at once as he twined their fingers together.

Akaashi had to look away: they might only be holding hands, but somehow the simplicity held and togetherness that was more intimate than fucking ever would be. He saw Bokuto beaming at their friends and knew he was thinking something similar. Knew that his own recent acceptance of mismatched pairs was contributing to his pride and happiness for the two.

Akaashi let a smile tug at his lips.

* * *

 

“‘Kaashi we did it!” Bokuto was practically vibrating with glee as soon as he was able to drag Akaashi off on his own.

“We did. The team did excellent.” agreed Akaashi enjoying being pulled close to the other now that there wasn’t a hundred people watching them.

“I was amazing! The ball just kept coming just right like *wham*! And you were so perfect, and we were so perfect and the team-” Bokuto prattled on happily nuzzling his cheek, “fuck, can I kiss you?”

“Yes…” agreed Akaashi softly allowing his own arms to settle uncertainty on Bokuto’s waist. The other boy wasted no time in cupping his face and kissing him with that same excitement, that same _fire_ , that had been missing in the kisses he’d initiated before.

“I really like you ‘Kaashi, I really really like you.” Bokuto told him laying more shy- yet still somewhat playful- kisses at the corner of his mouth, his cheek, near his eyes, back to his parted lips again.

“I like you too.” Akaashi stated closing his eyes and just trying to get used to the odd new feelings of enjoying the contact.

“Could hold you forever. Been thinking about what you said that time, about making our own fate, I wasn’t sure but ‘Kaashi if it’s you I think we could do it.” Bokuto was telling him.

“Yeah.” Murmured Akaashi and they weren’t even kissing anymore just holding one another, “Yeah…”

“I feel like I’ve been liking you more and more and more until it just exploded like *Whah!* and you were just so pretty and amazing I had to kiss you and let you know.” Bokuto hummed looking both bewildered and elighted by his feelings.

“I…” Akaashi frowned uncertainly. He didn’t want to ruin the soft happy glow they were in, but he’d promised to be honest and… “Bokuto, about that… You should probably know something about me if we’re really going to try this.”

Back when he’d assumed Bokuto would just come and talk to him when he was ready he’d had a whole speech made in his head. A check list about all the things they needed to talk about before they started a relationship. But like usual with Bokuto, they’d gone right in head first.

“Is something wrong?” Bokuto asked looking instantly concerned. Akaashi wanted to close his eyes and lean into that warmth. He forgot sometimes that bokuto would be just as quick to take care of Akaashi as the other way around. Instead he pulled back a little so he could look at the other steadily.

“I’m not quite like you Bokuto. I don’t just… want and want until it builds up. Sometimes I like touching and kissing and stuff, most times I don’t really.” Akaashi tried to explain.

“Oh,” Bokuto blinked a look of understanding flickering across his face, “Kinda like Kuroo.”

“A lot like Kuroo, yes.” agreed Akaashi feeling relieved.

“Then… is this okay, right now?” Bokuto asked uncertainly glancing at the way they were holding each other. Akaashi leaned forward and kissed the corner of his mouth softly making Bokuto hum out a warm content sound.

“This is fine.” Akaashi assured him, “I just wanted to let you know so you aren’t getting confused by mixed signals later.”

“You’re the best.” Bokuto told him leaning their foreheads together his gold eyes bright and alight with… _care_ , “I’ll ask. I’ll try to always ask. Even about stupid stuff. I don’t want to do stuff with you that you’re not into.”

“I will of course extend the same decency to you.” Akaashi promised feeling warm and for the first time like this might really work.

“I will always want you.” Bokuto laughed as if anything else was ridiculous, “You’re Akaashi.”

“Also,” Akaashi said carefully, because even though his heart was humming with content at the _moment_ it still needed to be said, “I don’t mind some PDA with you but I don’t being on display like that with you. It’s really embarrassing and hard to enjoy that way.”

“Was earlier no good?” Bokuto looked a little worried, “Shit, I’m so sorry ‘Kaashi.”

“It wasn’t bad.” Akaashi told him frankly, “But I would have preferred you waited till you could kiss me. If you’re ever not sure just ask me.”

“I will.” promised Bokuto earnestly, “I will. You and me Akaashi, no matter what soulmarks we have, we’re going to figure this out.”

It’s what Akaashi had been trying to say for a long time, but hearing it said now with such certainty made him lose that shred of doubt he didn’t know he was still clinging on to.

“Yes.” Akaashi closed his eyes and leaned into him, “I think we will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s over! Gosh I really liked writing this one. Akaashi and Bokuto have such a fun dynamic: Playful yet still grounded in slowly blooming maturity. I may need to find an excuse to write some more of them some time.  
> Thanks to you all for all your feedback. Next week comes the first chapter in the next Soulmate series “Played by Fate” which really will be up on Saturday.


End file.
